For Muslim Women (possibly: non-Muslim women as well)

 

‘The clouds may be dark and threatening but they bring the Mercy of Rain by the Will of Allah SWT.’

***

Asalamoalaykum warahmatullah,

This is dedicated to all my sisters in Islam who are ‘suffering’ for the Sake of Allah SWT…for whatever reasons. These women may be struggling in their marriages, those who have been physically or emotionally abused by those around them and those who are at such a point in their lives in which either they feel stuck or their close ones have slammed the doors on them.  These Muslimahs may have lost belief in mercy anywhere around the world especially when people whom they loved the most, deserted them. Now all they see is a long dark tunnel and no escape out.Yes you all exist and you all suffer and you may even feel alone but do you know what? Allah SWT has ways to test every slave of His. And these tests are custom-made! Trials which test your specific weaknesses and make them your strengths. And had these weaknesses remained within you, you may have been led astray and far away from the Mercy of Your Rabb. I am not going to be merciful tonight though. I would like to show all of you the mirror because I too am part of you. If you’re weak, I’m weak and if you’re lost, I’m lost. Things are getting worse and time’s running out. My words may not reach as many women but they can be a witness of my efforts inshaa’Allah. Just a very feverish flow of words. Apologize for not a clear read.

***

It is amazing subhanAllah how Allah SWT tests. I have been exposed to so many women of different backgrounds from different cultures and religions. I have known women who are single and unhappy, married and happy yet they still manage to be unhappy, married and unhappy, divorced and bitter. Women with kids and unhappy, women without kids and unhappy and women with a job and unsatisfied and women without a job and a low self-esteem and dissatisfied…so on and so forth.

I have been thinking about these issues for over a year now. Why are women such an unhappy lot? And I include myself in it. Why, when we meet, if we’re married …we backbite about our husbands? Why, when we meet, if we’re single, we backbite about other sisters? Why are we always, always, always complaining…sometimes it’s the husband, sometimes it’s the kids, sometimes it’s the parents/in-laws, sometimes it’s the siblings!

And we justify it as a ‘heart-to-heart’ talk or venting. When we’re done doing that act of misdeed, we become satisfied and we hug each other and bid each other ‘toodles’.

Then there are women who complain about polygyny and those who proudly exclaim that ‘I’m never going to let my husband go for Jihad if there’s a call for it!’ SubhanAllah!!!

Shame on all of you!

Allah SWT exalted the womb by giving it the name ‘Arhaam’…whose root word is the same as the Arabic word (Raham) for mercy.

Allah SWT exalted it by mentioning in the Quraan.

Allah SWT exalted the womb by commanding us to keep the ties of womb and whoever doesn’t, will be severly punished.

Allah SWT dedicated a whole Surah about An-Nisaa, ‘The Women’. There’s no surah on ‘Ar-Rijaal’ (the men). And that whole Surah talks about our rights (regarding inheritance) which would never ever be given to us had it been for this dunia in which a woman muzzles the voice of another woman, let alone men!

Allah SWT gave us special rights of divorce in which He SWT warned men to deal with women gently and highly encouraged them to do Ihsaan with women.

Allah SWT blessed us with a gentle and merciful Prophet Salalahu alayhi wasalam who admonished the men to treat women since they are like ‘fragile vessels’ and ‘bent rib’.

Most Muslimahs end up saying well even if Allah SWT sent this divine religion, hardly 1% of the men around the world are practising any of that.

Shame on you again!

Look at the Creator and not the creatures.

Are you going to be grateful to Allah SWT only when He grants you what you want?

Where’s the test in that? And really who’s the master and slave here?

Pay heed to what Allah SWT has given you. Be grateful for His Blessings upon you dear sisters!

Your husband abuses you, remember Asiya Alayhi Salam.

You’re single and unhappy, remind yourself of Maryam Alayhi Salam.

Your parents don’t support you? Remind yourself about Aisha RA in the story of Ifk in which her parents didn’t directly support her and remained queit and how she said that Allah SWT will speak on her behalf.

You’re suffering financially and had to give up your career because of your husband then remind yourself of Khadija RA and how her health suffered during the social boycott even though she was initially a financially stable career woman.

Your are a divorced woman with a child, remind yourself about Umm Sulaym RA and how she focused on deen rather than dunia.

You’ve suddenly found that you have a disease, remind yourself about Fatima RA for whom her father, Rasulalah Salalhu alayhi wasalam, could have prayed for health and wealth but instead gifted her with the Tasbeeh we use today. This tells us not to depend on health or wealth for a smooth life but instead on one’s Rabb.

You’ve got kids who give you trouble, remind yourself about that mother of a famous Imam and how she influenced the child positively and wisely because her child wantd to become a singer. Who am I talking about? I’m talking about the famous Imam Malik (R)!

And then there are countless examples of mothers who single-handedly trained their children who turned out to be the great Imams.

Then there is Zummurud (R), a strong influential woman who was not only a Queen but a very knowledgeable one with the nation’s concerns at heart. If anyone deserve a smooth life, then she did (besides the sahabiaat). She had intellect, wisdom, knowledge and noble character but she too got tested! And how turbulent her life became and how she survived…subhanAllah! Gives me goosebumps just thinking about her life and inshaa’Allah I will dedicate a whole post about her life.

These examples speak volumes. These very stories are so painful that they’d make grown men cry yet so empowering that they could lift one’s faith from level 1 to 100. Please sisters, learn about these women.

A lot of women exclaim that these women were lucky because they were surrounded by real men. They sadly question and dismiss their responsibility by the question that ‘where do we find real men like that?’

Well, suffice it to say, the real men are no more because the real women have ceased to exist.

It’s your own actions which make you noble and not others’.

My warning to those who are against polygyny and Jihad: is your love for your husband greater than the love for your Rabb who exalted you as a woman and granted you hidaya? Your husband whom you think loves you so much, can leave you in a minute if Allah SWT wills. Polygyny is made permissible by Allah SWT and the latter is a command in certain situations, then who are YOU to make the halal …haram? Do not think that you are a god! Remember your past when upon the birth of baby girls, they used to be buried. And it is Allah SWT alone who stopped that practice by sending us a beautiful religion of Islam. You who cannot even prevent the society from taking away your rights, think that you can interfere in the Rights of Allah SWT? SubhanAllah. You’ve got major arrogance issues.

I am extremely saddened tonight by what I heard all around me. It’s something that’s been piling up for ages. I’m not a good Muslimah myself but Allah SWT shows me my faults. And that is a blessing in of itself.Alhamdolilah.

But I’ve come to one conclusion…regarding why most women suffer.

It is because they’ve got messed up goals. They simply do not know why they’re alive. They do not know why they should be patient and they certainly therefore do not know with conviction that there’s reward/punishment awaiting them. Because if they had that strong belief, it would show in their actions.

Part of the blame can be given to the parents as well, may Allah SWT have mercy on all parents. While there are hardly any good Muslim parents who truly fear Allah SWT, out of the huge Muslim population, the 1% of them spoil their daughters. They have high marital aims for them, hoping that son-in-laws who are Huffadh+religious scholars+money machines+complete package of nobility+looks  will land on their doorstep and will beg for their daughter’s hand. And they have zero aims for their daughters spirituality…who do not know anything about Islam. They just want son-in-laws who are fearful of Allah SWT enough who ‘will give their daughters their rights’. Well what about the poor son-in-law? I mean if your daughter doesn’t know how to give him his rights, how’s he going to give her, hers? Nobody’s a great Muslim who’d be willing to do Ihsan! Religious men are humans too you know.

There are 2 kinds of parents: (1) one who train their daughters that they should be ‘independent’ and so these daughters give career and money their first preference OR (2)one who train their daughters that their only goal is to get married. Both are wrong with a big W.

Our goal in life is NOT to get a degree, NOT get a job, NOT get married, NOT have kids, NOT entertain wonderful spouses etc. If Allah SWT blesses us with that, alhamdolilah. If Allah SWT blesses us a life free of all that, still alhamdolilah.

Our goal is to be a good Amatullah, a good slave of Allah SWT.

Our hopes should cling onto Him alone.

I’m not saying that leave the dunia , denounce it and go and reside in caves worshipping Allah SWT alone.

The problem is our balance is tipping too dangerously towards one side.

***

We should be grateful sisters that He SWT hides our faults/sins from those around us day and night. If He SWT willed, He would’ve made the earth speak of our sins to the whole world.

You think that’s not possible? Think AGAIN!

All of us hate to talk about the most embarrassing times of our lives…imagine the chair you’re sitting on narrates it to those whom you backbite and complain about! Not one slave of Allah SWT can say he/she has never committed any sins. We all are criminals but we should admit that and repent. And do all that by hoping for His Forgiveness and not despairing instead once we have sinned.

Fear Allah SWT!

All these things…degrees, job, husband, kids…they should be the means to an end. And not an end in itself.

Your life doesn’t end if things do not work out in the process of you obtaining a  degree, job or not getting a good husband or no husband at all. You have a greater goal to achieve and that is Paradise.

Between you and Paradise is your Nafs which only desires this dunia and gets hurt when it doesn’t get what it wants.

Please don’t give the remote control of your emotions to Iblis. That will only lead you to wastage of your emotions, energy, time and hence destroyed dunia AND Akhira.

When Allah SWT didn’t put a limit on you that you can only enter Jannah if you have a PhD in so and so or are a CEO of a company or only women who are married will Jannah…then why are you limiting your access to Jannah then?

I know it’s hard but our Rabb cannot desert us unless we are deserving of being deserted.

We should hasten to do good deeds and stop thinking negatively because we already get fewer chances to do acts of righteousness by the Qadr of Allah SWT.
Remind yourself about these ahadith:

—It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allaah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1052)

—It was narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: “I attended Eid prayers with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He started with the prayer before the khutbah, with no adhaan or iqaamah. Then he stood up, leaning on Bilaal, speaking of fear of Allaah (taqwa) and urging us to obey Him. He preached to the people and reminded them. Then he went over to the women and preached to them and reminded them. Then he said, ‘Give in charity, for you are the majority of the fuel of Hell. A woman with dark cheeks stood up in the midst of the women and said, ‘Why is that, O Messenger of Allaah?’ He said, ‘Because you complain too much and are ungrateful to your husbands.’ Then they started to give their jewellery in charity, throwing their earrings and rings into Bilaal’s cloak.” (Narrated by Muslim, 885)

So many women and wasted lives. It’s a major tragedy that calls for major universal attention.

Only Allah SWT knows my end.

May Allah SWT preserve our hearts and purify them in this dunia before we die. May He SWT give us hidaya because we are so much in need of it. Ya Rabb we are ignorant, grant us knowledge. Beautify our ugly innerselves with the Noor of Quraan…if it weren’t for Your Mercy, we would be no where.And you are the Only One who listens to our duaas.Ameen.

[gentle reminder to myself first and then others]

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6 Responses to “For Muslim Women (possibly: non-Muslim women as well)”

  1. Pertinent, timely and to the point…masha’Allah ukthi! Looking forward to the post on Zummurud (R). Keep the posts coming insha’Allah. May Allaah reward you for your efforts. Ameen!

    • Asalamoalaykum warahmatullah brother,

      Since you now know how difficult it is for sisters to be steady on their path to Jannah, possibly this will throw light on how a brother should make paths of goodness easy for his mother,daughter,sister and wife inshaa’Allah. Because obviously those who help others in this dunia will be helped by Allah SWT in Akhira. Isn’t that a great incentive?

      Therefore, I feel that my words would be of any use if you could please remember all the sisters in your duaa and spread the message to other brothers as well and inshaa’Allah we can all coexist and have a healthier Ummah…collaboratively working for one goal: Jannatul Firdaus inshaa’Allah.

      JazakAllahu khayran brother for your kind words.
      -UmmS.

      • Walaikum’salam warahmatullahi wabarakatahu ukhti,

        Wa iyyaki sister. Your right in pointing out that brothers have as much to learn and implement as sisters do. In fact, these efforts are symbiotic(we can’t really look at it as a sisters’-only problem or a brothers’-only problem) and it would certainly befit to have another post for brothers to treat their women in a manner that Allaah(SWT) commands us to.

        Imagine if all the brothers took the Prophet(SAW) as an example in their day-to-day affairs and imagine if all the sisters looked up to the Mothers of the Believers as their examples. If we can foster that niyah alone, we can bring about a positive change in our Ummah.

        After all, a home in which the mother and father are on the straight path, is the best university that you can learn from!

        May Allaah bless amongst us mothers of heroes who would give birth to men who can change the state of affairs of this Ummah.

        http://iskandrani.wordpress.com/2009/09/22/mothers-producers-of-heroes/

        Wassalam

      • Asalamoalaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

        Alhamdolilah you understood the message.

        Inshaa’Allah, will be writing a post soon to help brothers although it will be challenging.
        JazakAllahu khayran for your suggestion and response.
        Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullah,
        -UmmS

  2. xeniagreekmuslimah Says:

    Asalamu Alaykum sister.
    You are touching on a lot of issues here. Mashallah. but htere are a lot of points I would not agree with
    example
    Quote: Your husband abuses you, remember Asiya Alayhi Salam.

    Of course we remember but would you suggest women to stay in abusive relationships? Especially when Islam permits divorce?

    I know of a lot of women, good who are being mistreated, taken advantage of, and they are practising sincere Muslimahs.
    Well, suffice it to say, the real men are no more because the real women have ceased to exist.

    Not always I am afraid.

    Somehow, I was left with the bitter feeling that this post was an attack on women.

    Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.

    We are all created weak, and we are sinners. We need to repent to Allah (swt) and ask Him to guide us.

    Forgive me , but I would like to mention…
    islam is beautiful. Why make it sound so harsh?

    Jazakiallah khayran

    It’s your own actions which make you noble and not others’.
    Quote:

    • Walaykum asalam warahmatullah Dearest Sister,

      It’s so nice to have you here so a warm welcome to the blog!
      I do not like to re-explain my intent and justify myself but I’ll do that in order to put your mind at rest. Also because there might be other sisters who might have the same concerns like you. May Allah SWT reward you for your comment with Jannatul Firdaus.Ameen.

      Addressing your concerns:
      -Please do not take things to the next step and please take things as literally put. I’m not an advocate of women to remain in abusive relationships, neither am I an advocate of divorce. It is a case-to-case issue…and an extremely sensitive issue which I do not like to discuss because I do not want to do it injustice due to may lack of expertise and knowledge of relevant Fiqh despite my exposure to such women. However, since you brought it up…I would like to say that 90% of the times, such women do not have the liberity to be easily divorced, nor do they get any support from parents/siblings. We have to keep reality in focus. As a result, such women are ‘stuck’. So…what do you propose they should do? Possibly, the best way out is connection with Allah SWT…like Asiya AS. Nobody could be worse than the Pharaoh. I’m not saying it’s a piece of cake but what I’m implying is, seek inspiration and thus comfort through the exalted example of Asiya AS.
      -Sister, regarding ‘good’ women being mistreated etc. That is my point precisely! Asiya AS was a pious woman but she was mistreated. Did she give up on her faith? She instead complained to Allah SWT in a form of duaa. That is what a noble woman should aim to do.
      -Islam is beautiful. Please excuse me if it sounded otherwise through my words. Islam is SO beautiful because it makes us not depend on humans. It gives us ‘halal’ wings and liberates us through preservation of these inspirational examples dearest sister. The reality is harsh and ugly and that is what I pointed out. Not Islam. Therefore we should use these beautiful examples of Muslimahs to beautify our inner selves which have become ugly due to our low Eeman.
      – Yes! We are definitely weak but we usually dismiss the whole issue by saying that. We need to find sources of strength and not pity ourselves all the time. Nobody is going to give us control and we cannot wait forever for good men to come so that we can show our good side. Real goodness is when one gives others rights when not getting any. Besides it is Allah SWT’s Pleasure we should work for and not any worldly aims.
      -Lastly, dear sister if we do not find out our faults and do not point it out, then nobody’s going to come and help us. That is what true sisterhood is all about. Please do not forget that I am including myself in this. Problem identification is first step towards success and inshaa’Allah Jannatul Firdaus. This is the extent to which I can respond and I would greatly appreciate it if you and all other sisters could take the good from this messy write-up and trash the evil. Allah SWT guides whom He wills and we pray that we are of the guided ones until our last breath. Ameen.

      JazakiAllahu khayran for your patience and for speaking up and sharing your opinions!
      Please remember rest of the Muslim Ummah in your duaas.
      Looking forward to see more of you here inshaa’Allah of course for the Sake of Allah SWT.

      Wasalamu alaykum warahmatullah,
      -UmmSulaym

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