Beautiful Eid and Harsh Life’s Lessons

Asalamoalaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

I had a long busy day of Eid yet I can’t sleep. My head is whizzing with thoughts and I need to compose them and write them down somewhere before they all get wasted. Unfortunately or fortunately, I see this blog following in the footsteps of the previous one. As much as impersonal I wanted to make it, it’s getting more and more personal. I have nothing to hide but I don’t like to reveal anything regarding me due to modesty issues. Don’t know whether anyone would understand that. Anyway…

There are many things that stood out for me this Eid. I have had a cold for 4 days now so I wasn’t really expecting to be well enough to go out and volunteer an hour after Fajr for Eid Salah (and as I mention this I’m being sure with my intention here, I’m not doing Riyaa’ inshaa’Allah). However by the Utmost Mercy of Allah SWT, I met a hundred ladies, ran errands and basically had the most amazing Eid of my life. And it wasn’t amazing because I had Baryani or met friends etc. It was amazing because I got to experience the warmth of sisterhood which I had started missing ever since the last Tarawih. I said ‘Salam’ and greeted everyone with hugs and kisses, all for the Sake of Allah SWT and I believe that is what brought the sweetness of that little act that I did. I feel sincerity brings in Taqwa.

But that wasn’t all. I met Anas. YES! I met Anas.

A name only matters to anyone when it’s the name of the favourite person they have a close bond with. Someone they probably meet every other day or know very well.

As soon as I heard the name of the two year old Morrocan kid, I thought I suddenly had a strong affinity for him. It was entirely subconscious now that I think about it.

Umm Sulaym’s first son’s name was Anas ibn Malik RA.

My heart overflowed with love when I saw the little kid trying hard to walk in his traditional Morrocan dress. He was wearing beige long shirt (kurta?) and trousers. And over them a kind of a off-white cape to cover his mini shoulders and a cute little hat (toupee?) with a tail hanging a little beyond the back of his neck (as is the Sunnah). I guess he barely knew how to walk properly but SubhanAllah that was an Eeman rush there and then…seeing that little scholar run around as if the brakes of his feet were getting activated as soon as he ran a few steps. May Allah SWT make this kid like Anas ibn Malik RA.AMEEN.

I later realized that regardless of so many kids being there, only Anas stood out for me…I was subconsciously modelling Umm Sulaym :) That’s precisely why even the name ‘Abu Talhah’ catches my attention. SubhanAllah.

With so many sisters hugging their kids, giving them candies…it seemed as if there wasn’t a worry in this world. I had my bout of cough so I ran to the washroom. After a few minutes, a sister I had met previously came in smiling lukewarmly. She didn’t seem as excited as most of the people I had met that day. I greeted her but asked her twice if everything was OK. She shifted her eyes to avert my gaze and I could tell something was wrong. She didn’t need me to ask her again.

She bursted out crying.

‘The baby couldn’t make it.’

It was as if a spear struck my heart. And I recalled that the last time we had met before Ramadan, she had come to pick her daughter from the Masjid and she was in a hurry to go to the doctor for a periodic check-up.

I controlled the waterworks of my eyes (which are very active) and I consoled her as best as I could. Inspite of my mind being stuck, I told her that inshaa’Allah her little one would be with Ibrahim AS and that this very kid will be a means for her to enter Jannatul Firdaus because of the patience she had for such a test. I even reminded her that this life is temporary and she’ll meet her child very soon forever. Mashaa’Allah she’s a lady of Taqwa and I knew a brief reminder like that was enough to calm her down. And she did calm down.

But I felt all chilly inside. There might be many out there who must be suffering physically or emotionally this Eid…yet Eid should be celebrated witihin the limits of Allah SWT. How difficult it can be sometimes to be happy for the Sake of Allah SWT?

Alhamdolilah I forgot the whole story as I got busy with the hustle bustle of people I needed to attend. But now that I think about it, it reminds me how Umm Sulaym RA dealt with her little kid’s death. Is Allah SWT teaching me patience in different forms? Is He preparing me for something?

I don’t know.

Allah SWT knows best.

Yet all I do know that regardless of what happens, He SWT will aid me from hidden sources as long as I keep Him first.

That was part of what happened during the morning and I felt I had to record it here so that I can refer back to it for inspiration.

This Eid has been a little difficult because I got to meet many mothers crying out for help for their kids. Yes the very kids couples yearn to have when as soon as they get married and the very kids who have made parents depressed because of their kids being influenced by the corrupt society (the problems of kids being brainwashed at school, homeschooling, society in here vs. back home).

Isn’t it true then…that children are a fitna/test/trial?

“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward (Paradise).” [Surah At-Taghabun, 64:15]

If they are in good physical and spiritual health, you’re being tested whether or not you’re being thankful as parents. If Allah SWT calls them back and they’re not with you then you’re being tested whether you have patience for being taken away something that wasn’t close to your heart but your whole heart itself. And then Allah SWT tests the patience of parents when they do have kids, all physically healthy, yet spiritually weak.

I can’t sleep tonight because I fear the future of the generations that lie ahead and as a result I fear my future after I die. I need to do something and I have so many ideas. Some are out of my reach and some are within my reach. There’s nothing really that’s stopping me except the fact that I have reached a certain age that I do expect the idea of ‘completing half my deen’ approaching me sooner than I want. I just feel that it may distract me from what I need to get done for the Ummah.

It scares me that with nobody taking the initiative, I would be held accountable for being aware of the consequences for the one who doesn’t fear Allah SWT enough to do something about issues plaguing the Western society. It also scares me that with so much that I want to do for my Ummah, my enthusiasm would be killed by an insensitive partner. Good companionship is necessary for a good project.

Only time will tell whether my thoughts will die as a post like this or whether there’d be any fruit to my sleepless nights.

I know I don’t have much time left and I feel the urgency.

But I don’t know where to run to, who to ask for support.

And sometimes I feel that I should stop assuming responsibility, stop caring about the whole world, stop straining my nerves and just pray 5 times a day…follow the 5 pillars of Islam, avoid major sins and die as a firm believer. That’d be enough for me to go to Jannah…or will it… considering the mountains of minor sins I may have?

Maybe instead on focusing on the ‘whys’, I should focus more on ‘why not?’

:)

I definitely need to utilize time for ibaadah (duaas) rather than over-thinking.

SubhanAllah like I wasn’t  suffering enough from post-Ramadan blues.

Hasbee’Allahu wa nei’mal wakeel!

May Allah SWT guide us all to Jannatul Firdaus.ameen.

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One Response to “Beautiful Eid and Harsh Life’s Lessons”

  1. Dear Umm Sulaym,

    What a beautiful blog post with so much benefit Masha Allah. I wish you all the best, and what you just wrote was very deep. Maybe I will come back and re read it for surely it is so beautiful.. what you said ” And sometimes I feel that I should stop assuming responsibility, stop caring about the whole world, stop straining my nerves and just pray 5 times a day…follow the 5 pillars of Islam, avoid major sins and die as a firm believer. That’d be enough for me to go to Jannah…or will it… considering the mountains of minor sins I may have? ”

    I know what you mean.. sometimes we just want to do the minimal and sometimes we need that amp to renew our iman and do extra not the minimal. i feel the same way and its so scary how in a day we commit so many sins (minor) with our eyes and ears. We really need to turn back to Allah before the angel of death comes. I guess its all about striving to be a mushsin and doing everything with ihsaan with people and with Allah. With all that is going through your mind – like you said duaahs, pleading to Allah is what will help and asking from Allah is a sweetness that lies in having sakeenah in your heart knowing he is listening – he will only help you.

    Umm Sulaym May you reflect the character of Umm Sulaym Ameen

    Please continue sharing what is on your mind. Although I don’t check to constantly its nice to know others go through what your going and it helps. Also your posts are something to look up to, so please continue :D

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