Polygyny:a ticket to Paradise?

Bismillahir-rahman-nirahim

In the Name of Allah SWT-the Always All Merciful, the Especially Merciful

Asalamoalaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

May Allah’s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon you all!

Needless to say that it’s a permissible act and no woman has the right to prevent her husband from it. If she’s doing it then she should realize she’s making something that’s halal—> haram! And that’s a sin mind you!

So women can cry their eyes out, march out in protest or ask their husbands to write in the Nikkah contract that the’yll not even think of getting a second wife BUT women should remind themselves that they are going to meet their Lord one day. It is not them who have the liberty to modify Allah SWT’s Laws. And they should question their Eeman and check for traces of hypocrisy even if they have mild hostile feelings towards Allah SWT’s Command of permissibility. Your Nafs is inciting you to feel ‘possessive’ or ‘selfish’ regarding your husband.

Don’t become a worshipper of your Nafs/desires! Stay true to the Shahada and only worship your Lord.

“Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilâh (god)? and Allâh knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allâh? Will you not then remember?” [Quran, Surah Al Jathiya, 45:23]

Besides, it’s to Allah SWT belongs everything and everyone. You have no right to get a stamp of ‘ownership’ on anyone. Easier said than done but remind yourself of the following:

Prophet (peace be upon him)has been reported to have said, “There is nothing that you leave out of God-consciousness except that Allah will compensate you with something better.”[Ahmad]

You should be aware of the state of your heart. Are you upset with the permissibilty of plural marriage or is it the feeling of jealousy that plagues you? If it is the former then you should work on your Taqwa. If it is the latter, then that’s a normal feeling if you read the biography of Aisha RA.

In every relationship of this dunia one must be aware of his or her duties. If someone doesn’t give you the rights then it doesn’t mean you do the same. You will be asked about what you did and not how someone didn’t give you your right. Worry about your commitments first.

***

However in Islam there’s justice and sisters should also know what their rights are.

According to Fataawa no.20455 and 10091 on Islam Q and A, brothers in plural marriage or contemplating it should be:

1. Excellent at time management:

The man is obliged to share his time, night and day, equally among his wives. It is not permissible for him to spend more time with one of them, unless one of them willingly gives up her time as a favour to the other. Otherwise it is not permitted at all. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Favouring one of the wives does not come under the heading of living with them honourably. There follow some of the comments of the scholars which will explain this further.

— Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah and the view of most of the Muslim scholars indicate that the man must divide his time, night and day, among his wives, and must do so fairly [Al-Umm, 5/158].

And he said: I do not know of any differing opinion concerning the fact that a man must share his time equally among his wives [Al-Umm, 5/280].

–Al-Baghawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If a man has more than one wife, he must share his time among them equally, if they are free woman [i.e., not slaves], whether they are Muslims or women of the people of the Book [Jewish or Christian]. If he fails to share his time among them equally, then he has disobeyed Allaah and has to make up the time for the wife whom he has wronged.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2/242; al-Tirmidhi, 3/447; al-Nasaa’i, 7/64; Ibn Maajah, 1/633. classed as saheeh by Ibn Hajar in Buloogh al-Maraam, 3/310 and by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 7/80).

— What is meant by this inclining has to do with actions; he will not be brought to account for his heart being more inclined (towards one of his wives), if he treats them equally with regard to the division of his time. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them”[al-Nisa’ 4:129]

–What this means is that you will never be able to do perfect justice as far as what is in the heart is concerned, so do not incline too much towards one of them, i.e., do not follow your whims and desires in your actions. [Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/150-151]

–Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: He is obliged to treat both wives equally according to the consensus of the Muslims. In the four Sunans it is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives…” So he is obliged to divide his time equally. If he stays overnight with one for one or two or three nights, then he must stay overnight with the other for the same amount of time, and he should not favour one of them in the division of his time [Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269].

–Ibn Qudaamah said: We do not know of any different opinion among the scholars with regard to the obligation to share one’s time equally among co-wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. And there can be no honourable treatment when one is more inclined towards one of them [Al-Mughni, 8/138].

–Shaykh Mansoor al-Bahooti said: “It is haraam for him to enter upon the one whose turn it is not, at night except in case of necessity, and during the day except if there is some need.” [Al-Rawd al-Maraaba’ Sharh Zaad al-Mustanqa’, 6/449].

2. Should be able to provide living accommodations fairly:

–Ibn Qudaamah said:  The man does not have the right to make his two wives live together in one house without their consent, whether they are young or old, because that causes them harm due to the enmity and jealousy that exists between them, so making them live together provokes arguments and fighting, and each of them can hear sounds when he is intimate with the other, or she can see that. But if they agree to that then it is permissible, because they have that right but they are also allowed to forego it [Al-Mughni, 7/229].

–Al-Kaasaani said: If the husband wants her (his wife) to live with her co-wife or her in-laws, such as his mother, sister or daughter from another wife, or with his relatives, and she refuses, then he must accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if she lives with them. Her refusal is an indication of that annoyance and harm. Also he needs to be able to have intercourse with her and be intimate with her at any time that suits him, and that is not possible if a third person is present.  [Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i’, 4/23].

3. Should be able to demonstrate fairness in spending and clothing:

–Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  With regard to fairness in spending and clothing, this is also Sunnah, following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), He used to spend equally on his wives, and also used to divide his time equally among them [Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269].

–Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to treat them equally as regards staying the night, spending time with them and spending on them [Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/151].

4. Should be aware of the fact that if Allah SWT has ordered husbands to be kind to their wives during divorce then what about when in marriage?

In several verses of Surah Al Baqarah, Allah SWT says:

“…either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness.”  (229)

“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, either take them back on reasonable basis or set them free on reasonable basis. But do not take them back to hurt them, and whoever does that, then he has wronged himself.” (231)

“And if you divorce them before you have touched (had a sexual relation with) them, and you have appointed unto them the Mahr (bridal money given by the husbands to his wife at the time of marriage), then pay half of that (Mahr), unless they (the women) agree to forego it, or he (the husband), in whose hands is the marriage tie, agrees to forego and give her full appointed Mahr. And to forego and give (her the full Mahr) is nearer to At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness). And do not forget liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allâh is All-Seer of what you do. ” (237)

***

Dear Sisters: Be wise in picking your battles for if polygyny comes your way then be it! You should motivate yourself to overcome anxiety in the following different scenarios:

1. If you lack patience then remember:

–A woman’s being patient in obeying her husband is one of the means of entering Paradise, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Ibn Hibbaan: “If a woman offers her five daily prayers and fasts her month (i.e., Ramadaan) and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 660.

—This is a test and trial for you, and if you bear that with patience then youwill have the reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning” [al-Zumar 39:10]

—According to the hadeeth: “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate his sins thereby.”  Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5642; Muslim, 2573, from the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed and Abu Hurayrah.

—Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trials will continue to befall the believer, man or woman, concerning himself, his child and his wealth, until he meets Allaah with no sin on him.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 5815.

2. If you lack acceptance of this whole idea and don’t want feel like being patient in treating your husband and co-wife kindly then remember:

–If a woman accepts that and treats her husband and the other wife well, she will have the reward of al-muhsineen. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost.” [Yusuf 12:90]

“Is there any reward for good other than good?” [al-Rahmaan 55:60]

–“And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)”  [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

3. If you feel angry and cannot control it then recall:

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…who repress anger, and who pardon men (out of affection); verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the good‑doers)”  [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]

4. If you feel oppressed and lonely then ask yourself : Is your condition worse than Aasiyah RA  (the wife of the Pharoah) who was tortured so severely physically not forgetting the emotional torture she might have gone through considering she was a human too?

–Her dua: “My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir`awn and his work…” [Tehreem 66:11]

–Ibn Jarir recorded that Sulayman said, “The wife of Fir`awn was tortured under the sun and when Fir`awn would finish the torture session, the angels would shade her with their wings. She was shown her house in Paradise.” Ibn Jarir said that Al-Qasim bin Abi Bazzah said, “Fir`awn’s wife used to ask, `Who prevailed’ When she was told, `Musa and Harun prevailed’, she said, `I believe in the Lord of Musa and Harun.’ Fir`awn sent his aides to her and said to them, `Find the biggest stone. If she insists on keeping her faith, throw the stone on her, otherwise she is my wife. When they came to her, she looked up to the sky and was able to see her house in Paradise. She persisted on the faith and her soul was then captured. The stone was thrown on her lifeless body.” [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

5. Ponder over the gems in the following verse because Jihad in itself is a difficult thing yet it is prescribed in Islam. Ever thought why?

“Fighting is prescribed upon you, and you dislike it. But it may happen that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. And Allah knows and you know not.” [Baqarah 2:216]

Tafsir Ibn Kathir: Allah’s statement:

(…though you dislike it) means, `Fighting is difficult and heavy on your hearts.’ Indeed, fighting is as the Ayah describes it, as it includes being killed, wounded, striving against the enemies and enduring the hardship of travel.

(…and that you like a thing which is bad for you.) This Ayah is general in meaning. Hence, one might covet something, yet in reality it is not good or beneficial for him, such as refraining from joining the Jihad, for it might lead to the enemy taking over the land and the government. Then, Allah said: (Allah knows, but you do not know.) meaning, He SWT has better knowledge than you of how things will turn out to be in the end, and of what benefits you in this earthly life and the Hereafter.

6. Getting into Paradise is not a walk in the park. It’s hard work. One may have to endure emotional battles to reach Jannah:

–Anas bin Malik reported, Prophet () said: : “The Paradise is surrounded by hardships and the Hell-Fire is surrounded by temptations”. [Muslim :: Book 40 : Hadith 6778]

–Narrated Abu Huraira , that Allah’s Messenger SAW said:

When Allah created Paradise, He SWT ordered Jibraeel AS : “Go and see it.”

So he went and saw it.

Then he returned and said: “O Lord, By Your glory! Whoever hears of it would love entering it”.

Then He SWT encompassed it with unpleasant things (hardships of worship) and said:” O Jibraeel! Go (again) and see it.”

So he AS went away to look at it.

Then he came back and said: “0 Lord, By Your glory! I fear that no one will enter it.”

The Prophet SAW said: When Allah created Hell, He said: “O Jibrael, go and see it.”

So he went and saw it.

Then he turned up and said: “0 Lord, By Your glory! No one who hears of it will enter it.”

So He encompassed it with lusts (worldy desires) and said:

“o Jibrael! Go back and see it. He went again to see it and came back saying: “0 Lord, By Your glory! Ifear that no one will escape from entering it.”

(This Hadith is fair and reported by Abu Da’ud, Tinnidhi, Nasa’i, Ahmad in Musnad and Al-Hakim in Mustadrak)–[Hadith Qudsi, 110 Ahadith Qudsi, no.25, pp. 34]

7. Instead of focusing your energies on negativity research on Islam and look what duaas the Prophet SAW recited to achieve patience. Learn about the Sahabiat and see how they conquered their emotions! And remember Allah SWT all the time because this dunia is worthless and so are its pains when compared to the happiness in the Akhira:

Narrated Anas RA that Allah’s Messenger SAW said, “One of the most miserable people in the world will be brought from among the people of Paradise. Allah will say (to the Angels): ‘Dip him once in Paradise.’ So they will dip him once in it. Then Allah Azz’ Wa’Jal will ask him: ‘Did you ever face any distress or a thing that you hate?’

He would say, ‘No, by Your Glory! Never did I face anything unpleasant!’

Then one of the most affluent people of the world will be brought from Hell.

Allah will command (the Angels): ‘Dip him once in it.’

Then He will ask them: ‘O son of Adam! Did you ever enjoy any comfort? (i.e. a dip in Hellfire can make one forget the meaning of comfort).

(This Hadith is sound and is reported in Musnad Ahmad)–[Hadith Qudsi, 110 Ahadith Qudsi, no.37, pp. 50]

***

And Allah SWT knows best.

[A gentle admonition -in the light of preparation for an uncertain future -for myself first and then others]

May Allah SWT help us pass all our tests like Ibraheem AS and give us the strength to overcome our weakness in Eeman.Ameen.

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