How many People are YOU worth?

Bismillahir-rahman-nirahim

In the Name of Allah SWT-the Always All Merciful, the Especially Merciful

Asalamoalaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

May Allah’s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon you all

I am feeling overwhelmed with everything I have dragged myself into. But it’s funny that I think it’s I,Umm Sulaim, who has decided that she should be carrying out many projects all at once. I keep reminding myself that it’s Allah SWT, the Best Planner, who has chosen me to spread His Message. He doesn’t need me, I need Him.

It’s very true that leadership is a very lonely road and most of the time it’s a ‘one-man’ show (like Shaykh Muhammad al Shareef said). That’s where sincerity kicks in. You have to keep yourself motivated because you’re not doing it so that you become ‘popular’ or that people start liking you, you’re doing it for the Sake of Allah SWT. And when I remind myself with that, I get over-charged and end up thinking of never letting my weaknesses and my desires for anything pull me back down from doing Ihsaan. However, there are greater reasons behind becoming so active in the society:

(1) To show Allah SWT that I am deserving of being granted the opportunity to seek knowledge, which is why I have decided to give the limited knowledge I have it’s proper Haqq by both implementing it and conveying it

(2) To keep myself busy in obedience and spend my skills in His Path

(3) To keep myself away from whispers of Shayateen or Nafs-my past, present insecurities have inshaa’Allah no room in my life

(4) To leave behind Sadqa Ja’riya once I die- to be an ocean of khayr- that’s my aim because there are times that I get hurt since I want to do so much yet I don’t have the resources or right people–>but this is where I remind myself about what Shaykh Muhammah al Shareef said in the Leadership Seminar that ‘all-stars attract all-stars’…so either I have to work really hard to become an ‘all-star’ OR should train the community to become one and alhamdolilah by the Mercy of Allah SWT and His Will, I’m working on both this summer.

Taking time off university and work has brought my Eeman to a higher level. All Praise to Allah SWT. I know I have been desperate to seek knowledge in KSA so much so that I was ready to give up my last upcoming year of my university after gruelling semesters of all-nighters and ‘Safa’ Marwah’ to different labs. I also know I have been desperate enough to sacrifice my days and nights brainstorming and booking appointments with different Professors for research jobs. I have given several interviews… I have been on both sides of the road. And now, alhamdolilah, I have reached to one conclusion that whatever one does, he or she must do it with intentions only and purely for the Sake of Allah SWT and with Ihsan (excellence), whether it’s memorizing for a Microbiology course or conducting a review session for Al Maghrib course.  Not going on any extremes either for Deen or Dunia. And that in my opinion is the middle road.

I can wish for things I may never may be capable of, I may even have tall hopes from my future. It’s all useless if it doesn’t have sincerity in it because either I’ll get sick of the idea or will be bogged down by the numerous barriers that love to come my way. I have even realized that usually at times like these-nobody’s there to help me except Him Alone. I’ve been through enough ‘downs’ to also realize that I had forgotten Allah SWT amidst the mad rush in the past. I’m not talking about not praying 5 times a day etc. I’m talking about that connection. I can’t even imagine doing that anymore and I don’t understand how I had forgotten Him, the One Who Created me, Nourished me, Provided me with everything! Totally unforgivable!

And this is how Allah SWT makes you fall to realize that it was He who provided you with the strength to stand all along. It was Him Alone who had brought gravity to your life so that you were able to resist so many frictional forces. It was He who had supported me while I had so conveniently forgotten Him and not the people around me that I was so busy pleasing, chasing and possibly indulging in disobedience with. These very people have deserted me and Allah SWT, whom I hadn’t given proper Rights, still has doors open for me. If I had one option, I would just donate my life in the propagation of Deen. Let Allah SWT and my fingers be witness to this claim on the Day of Judgement.

While recalling all my past experiences and trying to learn lessons from them, I tell myself that I need to push myself to memorize everything and absorb it to such a level that I can spread Allah’s Message with eloquence even though I have been a writer all my life and not a speaker. It truly makes me cry how Allah SWT has given us numerous examples through the Quraan to make us realize that it’s not on the basis of ‘apparent skills’ that Allah SWT chooses His people upon. It’s the purity of character. For example, Prophet Musa (alayhi salam) could not speak properly, yet Allah SWT granted him Prophethood and made him stand opposite the greatest of Zalimoon(Oppressors), i.e. the Pharaoh. I’m pretty sure anyone’s legs would tremble at the thought of talking to such an ‘authority’ figure who claimed to be ‘God’. And with Prophet Musa (alayhisalam)’s stuttering problem-something that decreases one’s confidence- the whole idea of going and convincing the Pharaoh about Tawheed was a task that was humongous except of course without the Help of Allah SWT. The greatest lesson in all this for a person like me is that if Allah SWT is choosing me and making all these opportunities of possible projects fall in my lap, then He SWT is preparing me for something that is greater. While that is intimidating, it is a comforting thought at the same time because with greater tasks, it is very likely that there are greater rewards. Anddd with greater rewards, Allah SWT might shower me with so much Mercy that I may become from a ‘Seeker of Rafeeqal ‘Ala’ to one who is amongst the Rafeeqal ‘Ala. Allahuma Ameen.

At the end of the day, I’m only one. But it all depends, how many people I’m worth…one,ten,hundred or a thousand?

“O Prophet (Muhammad SAW)! Urge the believers to fight. If there are twenty steadfast persons amongst you, they will overcome two hundred, and if there be a hundred steadfast persons they will overcome a thousand of those who disbelieve, because they (the disbelievers) are people who do not understand. (65) Now Allâh has lightened your (task), for He knows that there is weakness in you. So if there are of you a hundred steadfast persons, they shall overcome two hundreds, and if there are a thousand of you, they shall overcome two thousand with the Leave of Allâh. And Allâh is with As-Sâbirûn (the patient).” [Surah Anfal, v.65-66]

I ask Allah SWT to give me and everyone associated with me steadfastness in intention,decision and action. I also ask Him with All His Beautiful Names that He raises me and all my sisters and brothers amongst the true leaders of Islam on the Day of Judgement.ameen.

“My Lord! Bestow Hukm (religious knowledge, right judgement of the affairs) on me, and join me with the righteous, (83)

And grant me an honourable mention in later generations. (84)

And make me one of the inheritors of the Paradise of Delight. (85)

And disgrace me not on the Day when (all the creatures) will be resurrected” (87) [Surah Al Shuara]

And Allah SWT Knows Best.

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